Tag Archives: love

That kind of love

Listen Oh earth

Listen Oh skies

The saga of their love

They have madness in their veins

They are carving new paths of life

Desire in their souls

Fervor in their bodies

Left they the paths of world

They are vehement

Still tranquil

Ever since the eyes have met

Consciousness adrift

What kind of serenity is this?

What kind of love is this?

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A memory…

it was a misty night

it was an incensed name

for no reason it was auctioned

was famous but still infamous 

dont know what has happened today

dont know why I long it so much today

now that is how I remember it

now that is how I cease those moments

the moments that i have lost somewhere

and all the dreams have lost with them

dont know why I miss them so much today

there is some light

there is some fire

or it may be a torch

it has to burn slowly

it has to live like that

on some turn of life

it will be seen again sometime

and then it will rain

out of season

out of time

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Do what you want, get soaked in the rain once in a while, ride the bike standing, hitch hike sometime, talk to a stranger and tell him your story, dye your hair with some vibrant color sometime, backpack without a plan, befriend someone from a different class/race/social status, play tic tac on the sand at the beach, sing loudly while taking showers, dance to your favorite number, read a bad book or watch a D rated movie once in a while, get a gym membership and never show up, take a bus somewhere with no destination in mind, invite your friends over for dinner, do some drunk karaoke, smoke a cig or a blunt once, make a prank call, propose to someone you know for sure they will decline, watch a whole tv series one day while missing your work/school, make a bucket list even though you know you can’t complete it, eat on the curb with a homeless, dine in at a five star even if takes all your month income, tell your dark secret to a stranger on the train, make a meow sound secretly on an elevator, run down the escalator even it is going up, go to a nude beach, make a temporary reservation to your favorite destination, travel for real, house someone from the couch surfing, or couch surf, daydream, write letters, read poetry or better yet write even if you suck, sunbathe even if you are dark skin, give yourself a haircut yourself, love someone…

In short do whatever the eff you want, I promise you that people will judge you, but they will judge you anyway. Some things will get you in trouble, but then getting in trouble is life, getting out of it or learning from it is called living. Most people don’t live, they only exist!

Add to comments something like that, that I may have missed, I would love to try that too! Don’t just exist, live!

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That Ceased Desire

 Here it brought me back
My heart, helpless
What can I do…

Staying away
Was not an option
What can I do…

Heart says
Go complete
That half finished conversation
That half finished memory

I agree today
It was a mistake
Heart says
Go facilitate
That suppressed hope
That suppressed warmth

Fate wants this
That we keep meeting as per customs
Heart says
Go make it permanent
That ceased night
That ceased desire

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Love never dies. It just goes silent. The more it stays silent, the more it becomes mightier. From deep inside it speaks with all the ascents and descents. It growls, it roars. Makes one tear blood. Live within itself for salvation. Slowly and steadily ones existence starts diminishing. And then who cares for the reward? Whether he turns around or not, long for us or not, loves us or not, it makes no difference to our vehemence.  

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Moist Memories

Turned around to see
The eyes got wet

I saw
The empty life
Broken promises
Demolished dreams
Looking for
warm shade of time
It was abandoned yesterday
It is still barren

Life asks
A shoulder for a moment

Moist memories
Don’t let me sleep

Moist memories
Don’t let me live 

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I am the flock of sparrows

I am the flock of sparrows

I will fly away one day

I will fly away

Dear Mother, I got your letter, I am still holding it. It makes me feel as if you are holding my hand. Don’t let it go. It’s been raining here for past two days and I am sitting inside the house. 

Do you remember, how much I used to enjoy playing in the rain. Father would always get mad at me. That would make me do more naughty things because I knew you had got my back. I would look towards the sky and asked the God to send in more rain. 

Do you remember, that one time when it was raining a lot and you had to drop me to school because father was out of town. You car had a flat tire, so I didn’t go to school and kept playing in rain. Guess what? I took out all the air from the tire! 

Father would always get mad at me and forcefully take me inside holding my wrist. I would run to your lap and cry for hours. Because you couldn’t argue with him, you would get mad at me instead to take out your frustrations. 

Mother, no one gets mad at me here, no body fights with me here. You loved me so much, then why did you send me so far away from yourself? How is Father? Whom does he get mad at now? Who talks to the love birds? Who irons your scarfs? I wanna write so much, but my moist eyes are making it so hard for me to write. I miss you so much!

The vultures are hogging the door

Forcing me to leave

To go to a foreign land

Take these keys of the home O mother

I will fly away one day

I will fly away

Mother, are you angry at me? If not, then why haven’t you written in such a long time. There is so much that I need to tell you. So much had happened. Stop looking for your green shawl, I hid it in my bag before leaving. Whenever I miss you I take it out, I hug it, and it feels like I am with you. The pen that father gave my sister on her graduation, I took it too. Now when she will look for it she will miss me. I also brought your broken glasses with me. I keep trying to glue the broken pieces of glass all day, and It feels like you are sitting right in front of me. These little activities make my days pass. 

Mom, I saw a dream last night. You, father and sisters were sitting in the courtyard. You all seemed very happy, but I got very sad. That swing of mine, that used to hang from the mango tree, I couldn’t see it there anymore. Why did you remove it? Please put it back on, I still sit on that swing and eat the sour unripe mangos. It was so unfair of you guys. 

Your beloved 

Sisters and my father

Gazing the mango tree

Couldn’t undo 

The writing of fate

All my prides

Shattered into pieces today

I will fly away 

I am the flock of sparrows 

Inspired by: Tufail Nizai’s “Sadda chirriyan da chamba” 

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Still there…

Still of that love
Many debts remain
Still from that journey
My feet hurts
Still from that betrayal
Every wound is fresh
Still those murdered dreams
I haven’t buried
Still the wet eyes
Are mourning
Still from the agony
I haven’t escaped

Let these wounds fill
Let some days pass
Let the tides of suffering
Go back down a bit
These wounds still reek
Let them dry, then i’ll think
When to get destroyed again… 

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A Lament

Screen Shot 2015-12-08 at 3.29.59 PMWhen you came to my home, I was in a dream
From the smell of your hair, the whole courtyard was a fragrant gleam

My hands were burning, your forehead was warm
On the misted glass of window, a reflection of two faces was drawn

My head was on your shoulder, I drowned in the fantasy
That is how the night of the beginning passed, like a gust of ecstasy

The flowers of morning bloomed, the hand of sunlight set free
Holding the cold umbrella of shade, a tree stood behind another tree

The bright red and green lips of sunlight, kissed your hair breeze
From the curiosities of your reflection, the flowing stream now freeze

That is how that night passed, like a dream burning in my chest
What a city of stone it was, a city beneath the city at rest

All the people of the city were stones, their complexions also stones
In the blind narrow streets, I held your hand through thorns

The mute valley would hear the thud, when a stone would fall on the ground
It was the silence of midnight, all the stars were dancing around

Hanging from the wall of bricks, a mirror was looking at you
Smelling the fragrance of long gone days, I felt alive too

Like a blinking doll from my childhood, your reflection was looking at me
There were pieces of jungles, rivers and deserts, couldn’t tell what was beyond thee

I had to go somewhere else, don’t know why I had lost my way
Seeing the glimmer of your country, I ended my journey there

The pearls of mist were on the forehead, the kajal of eyes was smiling
Until you would fall asleep, I would stay awake admiring

One day when we were just hanging, the paranoia engulfed thee
You had packed up to leave, even before my morning tea

When I couldn’t find you around, how restless had I got
The garland of dried magnolias, was hanging alone on the doorknob

In the storm of midnight, an empty paper was talking
How barren was the house without you, the walls of house were frightening

The streets were lit off like the evenings, the moon also decided to drown
You were in the rush to leave, and I couldn’t stop you around

Riding the boat of your conscience, I traveled across the river
The night was short, the journey was long, I landed in a valley of quiver

The flocks of so called friends, flying over my bed
Taking a few memories and some fragrance, I departed that valley of distress

I passed through your city again, reminded me of the journey we once took
On the thirsty loneliness of mine, the rivers of eyes laughed

How do i tell the story of my journey, the next turn was the turn of separation
Whose bracelets are these, who wore that ear stud of our adulation

What times does these toys belong to, who used to play here
Say something the sparrow of my soil, did you take my name in despair?

Every moment a thorn would prick, what kind of love it was
Some old paranoia, probably messed up your head, Alas!

I was a traveller and you were in rush, It was the time of departure
On one demolished platform of a train station, abandoned stood the traveller

The pain of loneliness was intense, I cried rivers
When the branch of comfort dried, the flower of loneliness shivers

That heaven was hidden in my heart, which I was looking for outside
Loneliness is heaven of my heart, I was and I am the one left by my side

It was not your fault, that I thought you were mine
Now I understood, now I remember, why that day you were very quite

What should I remind you, it was all a betrayal
The heart hurts for no reason, after all it was a very short conjugal?

What is there for me to cry upon,
It was nothing but a mere lamentation

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A New Day

It was a new morning, a new day, and a very new myself. A morning when I didn’t wake up with tears on my pillow. I saw a dream, a dream that I cannot share and a dream that I dont think is going to turn to reality this time. I felt normal. My dreams had been haunting me for past several months and had been turning into reality. This one seemed like it wont. Guess I do have a very strong intuition.

A very close friend of mine told me that she got indifferent when she was in my shoes a few months ago. Guess I have become the same. I had always been the follower of my heart and I am not going to change that. I suffered pain, I suffered humiliation, abandonment all on my own, just because of this heart. Today I feel no pain, I feel no regrets. I gave it all. It was never meant to be mine. May be life has something better in store for me. In my heart it was the best. They will say that your heart doesn’t know it yet. I will tell them they dont know my heart. I sincerely wish him the best of all the future, may no misery ever harm him. He betrayed me and was not loyal to me but I was loyal. I loved him unconditionally, how can I possibly wish him any harm. If he is happy without me, then I am happy for him. I would probably never want to see that though because it will hurt me a lot. I am not going to run away from anything.

I know he will knock at my door some day. I am not waiting for that day. One day when he will understand my love. It may be too late by then but at the least, I will proudly say that I taught someone the meaning of true love, a love that was unconditional. A love that I didn’t even realise I had in me. May be it was in there for so long that it erupted like a volcano and even though it was love but eruptions always cause damage. They say exaggeration of anything is bad, may be my love was way too much for both of us that it was bad for both of us. I still don’t understand why he did what he did. I still not understand how can anyone do what he did. But now I am at peace. Peace with myself. Peace with the life. A life that now I have to live by myself, loving myself and those who will give me respect and cherish me for what I am.

In this new day, I will only be thankful to all those who stood by my side in the time of my need, even though they didn’t have to. In this new day I promise myself that I will also stand by them who are abandoned by the world. Because I know the pain of it. I know how it feels. I know how it can shatter us into pieces, and if we are lucky enough to survive the tremors, it may change us and most likely incline us towards a bad path. Not everyone might be strong enough to go through it, I don’t know how I did it. The oldest saying seems so true; What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.

They always say; you need to love yourself and only then can you love someone else. I don’t know the meaning of that. I just know one love and that is that you can truly love someone else when you stop loving yourself. May be it is a mistake in today’s world. May be I am wrong. May be those whom I loved selflessly did not deserve that love or did not know how to reciprocate.

Am I ready to make that mistake again? Am I strong enough to make that mistake again? I would definitely love to. Why? Because I don’t know of any other love.

But I don’t think I am ready, yet! So may be I should love myself till then? But I don’t know how to…

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