Tag Archives: heart

Lesson

Taught me a lesson

Made my heart forget everything

Millions of blessings,
but one stood out.

Gave me a heart,
that is eternal.

I got what I got; un-desired.
You gave what you gave; un-conditional

Got veiled from lover somewhere
Unveiled the truth elsewhere

Stains of deceit faded
Left behind your impressions

If a sinner like me was forgiven
I wonder what you fed to hell

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Vehemence

 
Love never dies. It just goes silent. The more it stays silent, the more it becomes mightier. From deep inside it speaks with all the ascents and descents. It growls, it roars. Makes one tear blood. Live within itself for salvation. Slowly and steadily ones existence starts diminishing. And then who cares for the reward? Whether he turns around or not, long for us or not, loves us or not, it makes no difference to our vehemence.  

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Still there…

Still of that love
Many debts remain
Still from that journey
My feet hurts
Still from that betrayal
Every wound is fresh
Still those murdered dreams
I haven’t buried
Still the wet eyes
Are mourning
Still from the agony
I haven’t escaped

Let these wounds fill
Let some days pass
Let the tides of suffering
Go back down a bit
These wounds still reek
Let them dry, then i’ll think
When to get destroyed again… 

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A New Day

It was a new morning, a new day, and a very new myself. A morning when I didn’t wake up with tears on my pillow. I saw a dream, a dream that I cannot share and a dream that I dont think is going to turn to reality this time. I felt normal. My dreams had been haunting me for past several months and had been turning into reality. This one seemed like it wont. Guess I do have a very strong intuition.

A very close friend of mine told me that she got indifferent when she was in my shoes a few months ago. Guess I have become the same. I had always been the follower of my heart and I am not going to change that. I suffered pain, I suffered humiliation, abandonment all on my own, just because of this heart. Today I feel no pain, I feel no regrets. I gave it all. It was never meant to be mine. May be life has something better in store for me. In my heart it was the best. They will say that your heart doesn’t know it yet. I will tell them they dont know my heart. I sincerely wish him the best of all the future, may no misery ever harm him. He betrayed me and was not loyal to me but I was loyal. I loved him unconditionally, how can I possibly wish him any harm. If he is happy without me, then I am happy for him. I would probably never want to see that though because it will hurt me a lot. I am not going to run away from anything.

I know he will knock at my door some day. I am not waiting for that day. One day when he will understand my love. It may be too late by then but at the least, I will proudly say that I taught someone the meaning of true love, a love that was unconditional. A love that I didn’t even realise I had in me. May be it was in there for so long that it erupted like a volcano and even though it was love but eruptions always cause damage. They say exaggeration of anything is bad, may be my love was way too much for both of us that it was bad for both of us. I still don’t understand why he did what he did. I still not understand how can anyone do what he did. But now I am at peace. Peace with myself. Peace with the life. A life that now I have to live by myself, loving myself and those who will give me respect and cherish me for what I am.

In this new day, I will only be thankful to all those who stood by my side in the time of my need, even though they didn’t have to. In this new day I promise myself that I will also stand by them who are abandoned by the world. Because I know the pain of it. I know how it feels. I know how it can shatter us into pieces, and if we are lucky enough to survive the tremors, it may change us and most likely incline us towards a bad path. Not everyone might be strong enough to go through it, I don’t know how I did it. The oldest saying seems so true; What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.

They always say; you need to love yourself and only then can you love someone else. I don’t know the meaning of that. I just know one love and that is that you can truly love someone else when you stop loving yourself. May be it is a mistake in today’s world. May be I am wrong. May be those whom I loved selflessly did not deserve that love or did not know how to reciprocate.

Am I ready to make that mistake again? Am I strong enough to make that mistake again? I would definitely love to. Why? Because I don’t know of any other love.

But I don’t think I am ready, yet! So may be I should love myself till then? But I don’t know how to…

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